Porthole Magazine
March 1, 2005
He Said/She Said, Adventure Cruises

Heidi: Hey, I'm the first to admit the bustling, buzzy megas have their boozy allure, but I'll take a small quirky ship doing some oddball itinerary in the middle of nowhere over a cruise to the Bahamas on some dang airplane-hangar-sized floating frat party.

Matt: That was one long-ass sentence.

Heidi: Well, when I got something to say, I just can't shut up.

Matt: Tell me about it . . .

Heidi: You should talk! When you got back from that Maine Windjammer trip, jeez, I put the phone down, went to the fridge for a snack, came back, and you were still going on and on about what a great time you had hauling the sails and bonding with captain what's-his-name. Remember?

Matt: Bob. His name was Bob. Helping with the sails was great, and sailing around Penobscot Bay is incredible, but take my advice: When they ask for volunteers to crank up the anchor in the morning, have some excuse ready. Bad back. Hangover. No sense of rhythm. Anything will do.

Heidi: Hangover's your middle name, pal, no excuses needed. Me, I've never volunteered for anchor duty, but I've done my share of heaving the lines on Windjammer Barefoot's Mandalay. Talk about a great trip. Did I ever tell you about that horseback riding excursion I signed up for on Isla Margarita?

Matt: Isla Margaritaville? You didn’t drink and ride, did you?

Heidi: You're a regular Don Rickles.

Matt: If only, you hockey puck.

Heidi: Anyway, I signed up for this half-day horseback riding thing, and a small group of like five of us (including that hottie Captain Matt . . . have I mentioned him before?) rode along the tippy top of this burnt-orange sandy mountain range. It was like being at the edge of the Grand Canyon, only you could see the ocean. Amazing. . . . Then, at the end, we rode through the surf. Top that!

Matt: OK, I will. I was in Alaska a few years back with Glacier Bay Cruiseline, which is totally adventure-oriented: Every day is kayaking, hiking, tidepooling, that kind of thing. First day out, we’re kayaking along the shoreline in Dundas Bay, with no sign of civilization in sight. We come around a curve and there are two black bear on shore not more than twenty yards away. They look at us like, “What the hell?” We just floated there and watched till they turned into the woods, looking back at us over their shoulders.

Heidi: Wow, sort of like they were actors in bear suits or something. You sure don't get that close to wildlife on a megaship. Can we say "Keep looking through the binoculars, honey; that black dot IS a bear."

Matt: And that gray dot, out on the water? That’s a whale.

Heidi: As rare as it may be, I think you and I actually agree on something here: Small ships are the only way to do Alaska – if you can afford their rates. When I was on Cruise West's tiny Sheltered Seas a couple of seasons ago, it maneuvered so close to a rock somewhere in the backwaters of the Inside Passage that we could reach out and touch it from the deck. Same deal near LeConte Glacier. Chunks of blue-tinted icebergs bobbed right alongside, complete with napping seals. If my arm was another foot or two longer, man, I could have reached down to pet the cute little buggers.

Matt: When I was in the Galapagos last March on Celebrity’s new small ship, the Xpedition, a sea lion pup waddled up and snuzzled my ankle. I melted. I was pudding. You should have seen it.

Heidi: See you as melted pudding . . . NO THANKS! You’re such an animal-hugger. Didn’t you made out with a yak once? On that Siberia trip? (See feature story this issue.)

Matt: Ah, yer mother wears combat boots.

Heidi: Actually she prefers espadrilles. Purple ones.

Matt: If she goes to the Galapagos she can hang out with the blue-footed boobies.

Heidi: Well, I don’t know if I’ll be schlepping her to the Galapagos anytime soon, but we did do a nice Alaska cruise together on Celebrity’s Infinity. It went something like this: I biked and she napped. I kayaked and she shopped. I hiked and she had a massage. She’s not exactly the most adventurous traveler.

Matt: To each his own. She probably thought you were nuts, expending all that energy.

Heidi: My dad, on the other hand, was a little more game when I traveled with him. In Sitka we trekked through a beautiful rain forest in the National Historical Park just outside town, where these giant spruce, hemlock, and cedar trees practically poked through the ozone layer -- and the totem poles all along the trail weren’t much shorter. It was really neat until that damp Alaska nip started getting under our skin. Next stop was a local pub to warm up with a couple of Alaskan Ambers and some fish and chips. Nothing like that Alaska halibut! Or King crabs. In Petersburg once I signed up for a fishing trip on a real trawler. We caught a batch, cooked 'em up, and ate them below deck.

Matt: Yuck. Remember, you’re talking to a vegetarian here. I’ll just stick with the beer. You know, in Juneau, a lot of the cruise lines offer a “bike and brew” shore excursion that starts with an 11-mile bike ride and ends with a tour and tasting at the Alaskan Brewing Company, where they brew Alaskan Amber, stout, ales . . . now that’s my idea of adventure.

Heidi: Just make sure you read the fine print. Some of these bicycle tours are all downhill -- literally. That's fine if you're a couch potato, but I prefer the Lance Armstrong approach. I like a little challenge.

Matt: Challenge is in the eye of the beholder. I was in Costa Rica on Coral Princess in 2003 and took a fantastic whitewater rafting trip. Not a whole lot of challenge there -- the guide did most of the rowing -- but it sure was fun. Ditto for the rafting trip I took through the Chilkat Bald Eagle Preserve outside Haines, AK. We just sat there in our rain gear and got splashed a bit, but it was a whole lot better than any bus tour. Sometimes just being outside equals adventure.

Heidi: That reminds me of a river tubing excursion I signed up for on the Carnival Paradise a few years back from Ocho Rios, Jamaica. We floated past giant bamboo trees and lots of other jungly foliage, getting a great feel for Jamaica's wild side.

Matt: Did the tubes have little beer-can holders? That’d make it just about perfect.


**He: Matt Hannafin